


Blessed Are The Lovers

by Tafka



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:47:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25657675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tafka/pseuds/Tafka
Summary: An old friend appears unexpectedly at Skyhold, bringing a renewal of tender feelings.
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Sebastian Vael
Comments: 7
Kudos: 12
Collections: Rare Pairs Exchange 2020





	Blessed Are The Lovers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cullenlovesmen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cullenlovesmen/gifts).



Cullen wasn’t sleeping well, which is why he had been only half-listening to his lieutenant, Evorah, while she reported on the new band of greenhorn soldiers that were arriving at Skyhold that afternoon. Today was a day of arrivals, it seemed, as the two of them looked over the battlements at the merchant train that entered through the gates. Two of Josephine’s agents were there to greet them, and one of Leliana’s was hidden in the gatehouse tower, taking copious notes. Since this group consisted of mostly traders and Chantry folk, Cullen was not as interested in their comings and goings, barely looking up from Evorah’s roster when a group of lay sisters brushed by them. Skyhold was always busy like this, alive and vital, as if it was breathing in a stream of ragged travelers and would later exhale them as part of the Inquisition itself.

Cullen was about to clarify a point of order with Evorah, when he looked over at her to realize she was no longer paying attention in the least. Her eyes were fixed on a group of robed travelers who were unloading bushels from one of the caravan’s wagons, and her expression had gone slack. Concerned, Cullen was about to question her when she breathed, “Excuse me, Commander,” and then broke into a run, not bothering with the protocol of waiting to be dismissed. She darted through the crowd of travelers and Skyhold residents, and Cullen followed, confused, at a more dignified pace. When she reached the wagon she called out “Ami!”, and one of the robed figures turned around, cried out, and immediately dashed to meet Evorah in an embrace right in the middle of the crowd.

The two women cried into each other's shoulders for a few moments, and Cullen felt increasingly awkward to witness it. The stranger called Ami eventually pulled away, only to sweep Evorah into a passionate kiss. Cullen turned away, feeling it was inappropriate for him to see, but the gathered crowd had no such compunctions. A chorus of coos and catcalls erupted, as well as scattered applause. 

“Everyone appreciates a good reunion,” said a familiar voice at Cullen’s side, and he turned in surprise to see Sebastian Vael there. He was dressed in the unassuming garb of a lay brother instead of his usual shining armor. 

Cullen had a moment where he didn’t know what to say, before good manners took over and he greeted him. “Sebastian! It is good to see you again. I had no idea you were headed to Skyhold.” It was a good, rote sort of greeting, one that didn’t say “I have loved you in secret for years” or “I was afraid I would never see you again.” That sort of greeting was the one his lieutenant and Ami were having in the middle of the crowd.

Sebastian gave one of his half-smiles that made Cullen’s stomach flip. “I have been traveling, going where I feel I can do the most good. It soon became apparent that would mean coming here.” He nodded back towards the wagon train. “I met up with these merchants headed for Skyhold by happenstance, and it seemed to be the Maker’s will that I throw in with the Inquisition.”

The Maker’s will. Was it the Maker’s will that they should be reunited, here? In a place untouched by the horrors of Kirkwall, a new place where Cullen had worked and struggled to become a better man, his own man. He had not changed everything about who he was in order to be worthy of anyone, but if it was the Maker’s will that his longtime crush should be here as well…

Cullen was saved from the long, awkward pause and his own swirling thoughts by Evorah. “Commander, my apologies. I was surprised by--”

“No need to apologise, Lieutenant. I believe our briefing was concluded, in any case. Feel free to take the rest of the day, I’m sure you wish to catch up with your friend?”

“My-- Yes, thank you, Ser. I will, Ser!” and she scampered back into the crowd.

When he looked back to Sebastian, the other man was looking at him thoughtfully. “That was very magnanimous of you, Knight-Commander,” Sebastian said.

“Just Commander,” Cullen corrected, automatically, and then winced internally. Years and miles from when they had last spoken, and the first thing Cullen does is correct him on his title. 

Sebastian did not appear to take offense at the brusque correction. “Of course, Commander,” he replied with that voice, and while looking directly at Cullen too. 

Cullen blushed.

Sebastian took the opportunity to excuse himself to continue helping the other lay brothers and sisters unpack from their travels, and so Cullen had a moment to regain his composure before he returned to work.

* * *

Three weeks later, Adaar bounded into Cullen’s office with all the energy she normally saved for slaying dragons. “Did you hear? There’s going to be a wedding!”

Cullen raised his eyebrows, and made a small noise of acknowledgement. He hadn’t actually heard of any festivities, but he also didn’t care very much to attend a puffed up noble’s nuptials. He figured his best chance of getting out of it was to remind the Inquisitor that he was in fact a very busy man. 

“Oh of course you’ve heard,” she continued, “It’s so terribly romantic though, don’t you think? Childhood sweethearts, torn apart when one is sent away to the Circle, but still madly in love all these years later… Then to be unexpectedly brought back together by fate? It’s like one of Varric’s novels!”

“Hn,” Cullen responded noncommittally. Luckily, this didn’t sound like a noble’s marriage, so he may be able to get out of wearing that ridiculous formal suit and putting in an appearance.

“Of course you’re planning to attend,” it wasn’t a question, “I’m sure that Lieutenant Evorah would be honored if you were there.”

Cullen remembered suddenly the morning he had been trying to put out of his head, when he had been reunited with Sebastian, and Evorah had been quite publicly and affectionately reunited with the mage Ami. “Of course, of course,” he echoed. He rather liked the Lieutenant, and a wedding party was always good for the morale of the soldiers in general. Knowing the Inquisitor and Josephine, the celebration would be large, if not as ostentatious as it would be for a noble.

Idly, Cullen wondered if he would see Sebastian at the wedding. He hadn’t been avoiding the man so far, it was his work that kept him from seeking him out. That and the fact that he had no idea what to say to him.

Sebastian and he had grown close over the years he spent in Kirkwall. Certainly he was the closest friend Cullen had outside of the order. Their friendship consisted mostly of time spent together after services in the Chantry, and later Sebastian would come to visit in the Gallows while Hawke went mucking about in the courtyard. 

After the explosion at the Chantry, and the subsequent battle against his mad Knight-Commander, Sebastian and he had been two of the only ones left to pick up the pieces. Cullen became the new Knight-Commander, and Sebastian became one of the few remaining Chantry representatives for the entire city. They grew even closer in their grief and regret, and spent many nights up late, talking about matters of faith, life, and hope until the candles burned down.

Slowly, so slowly Cullen couldn’t place one moment when it happened, he had fallen in love with the Chantry brother. He never spoke of his feelings at all, but his love was a burning ember he held inside of him, and warmed him on cold nights.

Then Cassandra had shown up, with Leliana her silent shadow, and the two of them had convinced him to come lead their Inquisition’s forces. He had left without ever giving voice to the feelings he had for Sebastian.

But now Sebastian was here, somehow. And maybe he could tell him how he felt, if only he could find the words.

* * *

It was perhaps inauspicious to spend a wedding ceremony thinking of one’s own romantic hopes instead of the happiness and welfare of the couple being celebrated, but Cullen couldn’t help himself. Sebastian was singing the hymns along with the rest of the small chantry choir. Although their voices blended perfectly together, Cullen still fancied he could hear Sebastian’s voice above the rest. 

It was a lovely ceremony. Mother Giselle gave a short sermon about love and devotion and the Maker’s grace which was both a benediction of the couple being celebrated and meaningful to the many in attendance. It was not often that a Circle mage would marry, but then, it was not often that so many of them were left without a Circle at all, so the rules that governed these things were shaky at best. Enchanter Vivienne stood up for Ami, even though they were from different Circles, which was a strong message of unity for Loyalist mages. At least, that was as much as Cullen understood of the politics involved. Leliana had tried to explain to him how the Chantry’s restrictions on marriage needed to be reformed, but it had not seemed relevant to Cullen’s life at the time. An even stronger message of unity was sent by Adaar, the Herald of Andraste herself, standing as a witness for Evorah, one of a few times she’d done this for members of the Inquisition. Adaar did love weddings.

After the sermon and the witnesses’ signatures came another hymn, one more common to Orlais than Ferelden, but beautiful still. But maybe Cullen was biased, since he got to hear Sebastian sing again. It took him back to the few happy memories he had of Kirkwall, of the peace of the Chantry there, and of closing his eyes and listening to the voices of the choir echo through the cavernous interior. The Chantry of Skyhold was much smaller, as was the choir, but the beauty was the same. Sebastian’s beauty, too, was just as he remembered it. He let the music wash over him and allowed himself to gaze openly at Sebastian. 

Cullen was so lost in the music that it took him a few moments to realize that Sebastian was looking right back at him. The song ended, the vows began, and Cullen couldn’t bear to look away, and neither did Sebastian break his gaze. It was as though everything around them had faded away, the crowd, the choir, the Revered Mother, and the brides, and only the two of them remained.

For the first time, Cullen realized: Sebastian knew.

The crowd broke out in a cheer, and the moment was broken. Sebastian and Cullen both looked back at the newlywed couple and joined the applause, but Cullen’s mind was filled with Sebastian.

For so long, Cullen had thought his unrequited longing was a secret known only to himself. He had been so careful to hide his feelings from Sebastian, but in that one moment when they locked eyes, he felt certain that the other man knew everything, down to his soul. With anyone else, Cullen would feel exposed to be looked at in that manner, but with Sebastian there was just the comfort of being known.

Of course, that could all be wishful thinking on Cullen’s part. He needed, right then, to make his feelings known to Sebastian, and make sure that he felt the same way. But Sebastian was lost in the crowd of revelers following the newlyweds out into the courtyard. 

“Wasn’t it a lovely wedding?” said Adaar, appearing at Cullen’s elbow in the crush of people. 

“Yes, very lovely,” he replied, suddenly drawn from the immediacy of his feelings. Cullen realized then that this was no place for impassioned declarations of love (by anyone other than the married couple, that is) and he had almost made a fool of himself. What would happen if he was incorrect in his assumptions? The thought was too terrible to bear, but the imagined repercussions were enough that he shut his love for Sebastian up tight inside, and bade it stay that way, at least for tonight.

Adaar chattered on about her favorite parts of the ceremony, and her most anticipated parts of the reception, and Cullen nodded along, while scanning the crowd for any sign of Sebastian. When he didn’t immediately spot him, Cullen became disheartened, and allowed Adaar to steer him to a table piled high with tiny Orlesian cakes. 

He had just bitten into one when the sweetest voice came from behind him. “A lovely wedding, wasn’t it?”

Cullen turned around as he swallowed his cake too hurriedly, and licked his lips as discreetly as he could. “Yes, very lovely,” he managed to choke out, and then felt a distinct feeling of deja vu. Sebastian was staring at his mouth, so he licked his lips again to catch any rogue frosting. 

Clearing his throat, Sebastian brought his eyes back to meet Cullen’s gaze. “I’m glad I ran into you here. I know you are likely very busy, but I thought… well I’d hoped that we might have a chance to talk together. To catch up. So much has changed since we last saw each other.”

Sebastian was not referring to their brief meeting at Skyhold’s gates. It was true, much had gone on since Cullen left Kirkwall, right when the city had needed help the most. He tried not to feel like he had abandoned it, he knew that he could do so much more good for all of Thedas here, with the Inquisition, rather than as Knight-Commander of one shattered city. But it was hard to put those thoughts into words, especially with Sebastian looking at him with eyes that held a thousand unspoken questions. “Yes, please. Let’s talk.”

And as they did so, Cullen’s feelings of love unfurled from where he had locked them away in his chest, though they did not quite reach his lips.

* * *

After that night, Cullen began spending time with Sebastian whenever he could. It was much like their friendship had been in Kirkwall, except as Commander of the Inquisition Cullen had much less free time in his schedule. So it was that they often ended up walking together in Skyhold’s gardens after everyone else was asleep, with only the light of the moon and stars to guide their path. The blooming moonflowers filled the air with their fragrance and the two men would talk for hours. 

What had once been a small ember of love became a hearth fire in Cullen’s chest, warming him and shedding light through every part of him whenever Sebastian was near. Still, he could not bring himself to speak words of love, or to perform any action which would alert Sebastian of his feelings. Sebastian, for his part, seemed to notice something was amiss, as Cullen often noticed him with a concerned look on his face when he thought Cullen couldn’t see, but he chose to say nothing. 

The standoff of recitience was resolved, finally, on a clear night in Wintermarch when it was so cold, even in Skyhold’s enchanted grounds, that Cullen could see his breath. Sebastian had found a woven blanket somewhere, and walked with it clasped around his shoulders like an embrace. Cullen just had his usual lion pelt, over his cold iron armor, which provided little protection from the cold. He shivered, and hoped that Sebastian wouldn’t notice.

“If it is too cold, we can delay our walk for another day,” Sebastian said, quite sensibly.

“No, no, not at all,” Cullen replied, too quickly, “I mean, I don’t mind the cold, and I don’t want to go indoors just as yet.”

“Something on your mind?”

Cullen stopped in his tracks, and Sebastian stopped right along with him. The garden was cold and silent and beautiful, and the stars shone in a clear sky. It was as if the moment was frozen in uncertainty, but Cullen felt within himself that he must speak, and break it. “Yes,” he finally said, “there is something I have thought-- I have felt for a long time, and have been afraid to say…”

Sebastian did not reach out physically, but Cullen could feel his gaze on him as if it were a reassuring hand. “Cullen, you know you need never be afraid to say anything to me.”

“I…” How to put into words the warm feeling he got whenever Sebastian was near? How to express the depth of his affection, but also that he expected nothing of him in return? How to confess to such a long-held esteem, but not appear to require the same from Sebastian? There was only one thing he could say; “I love you.”

A smile like the summer sun dawned upon Sebastian’s face. “Do you know how I long I have--” He let his warming blanket drop as he reached out both arms to cradle Cullen’s face in his palms. “I love you, too.”

* * *

If Cullen ever felt happiness before, it was nothing compared to the delight he felt in Sebastian’s love. He was granted warm smiles to last throughout his days, and chaste kisses to carry him through the nights, and he felt he could not ask for anything to make his life more perfect.

Months passed, and changes came to the Inquisition. Leliana left, and was no longer Leliana, but Divine Victoria. Then came the unpleasantness of Halamshiral, again, and suddenly he was a Commander no more, for the Inquisition was dissolved. Of course there was still work for him to do, as dismissing a fighting force of that scale was almost as much work as building it. Cullen found himself with little time to spend with his love, and a thousand questions swirling in his mind about what would become of them when they quit Skyhold. 

Surely they must stay together, that much was clear. The thought of leaving Sebastian behind again was abhorrent to him, and he couldn’t even stomach it. So he would follow wherever Sebastian’s Chantry work took him, and perhaps they could both settle in the same village somewhere, and live out their lives in close comfort. Cullen spared a few moments for the fantasy of it all. He might buy a small farmhouse, and go to chantry services every week to listen to Sebastian sing. Then after, they might walk through the village, and talk, and be in love, and then go home at night only do it all over again the next week. It was a good thought, a good life that he might live.

Changes came to Thedas as well. The circles were abolished, and a college of Magi raised in their place. A slew of chantry reforms took place so rapidly that future historians would surely struggle to record them in a single volume. The Templar order was completely reformed, and the Seekers of Truth as well, and a cure for Tranquility was announced and distributed. And Victoria had declared that all members of the chantry, from Divine to lay brother, could marry as they wished. 

This last news came to Cullen via the chatty former-scout Harding as he packed up the last of his things from his office, leaving him stunned and holding a paperweight for a good quarter of an hour after she left. 

His fantasies came rushing back to him, but now they included so much more. Settling down in a small village, yes, but _together_ , as husbands. Buying a home, _together_ , eating breakfast _together_ , walking to the Chantry for services _together_ , and through the village _together_. Then, at night, returning to the home they shared only to do it all over again the next day. 

He needed this life to be his own. To be their own. He could go, right now, to propose to Sebastian. Where would he be at this time of day? Their schedules were so disrupted by preparations for leaving that there was no guarantee of finding Sebastian in his normal spot. Paralyzed by indecision, Cullen almost didn’t hear the knock on his door.

“Come in,” he replied, automatically, although he really wanted no kind of company apart from Sebastian’s.

As luck would have it, Sebastian was the one at the door. Cullen was breathless at the sight of him, feeling all the pressure of his hopes and dreams hanging on this one moment.

Wordlessly, Sebastian crossed the room to take Cullen’s hands in his own. Looking into his eyes, all the anxiety melted from Cullen at once, he knew they were in accord.

Sebastian smiled brilliantly, and got down on one knee.

* * *

“Did you hear?” asked Adaar, bounding into Josephine’s office, “there’s going to be a wedding!”


End file.
